"my beautiful precious"... (the last week as a common girl)

cause I'm about to become, for the first, last, and only time... a FIANCÉE!!!!!
so... in the midst of the crazyness before christmas, a lot of wrok and worry, payments down the hill, gifts that I won't be able to buy, people that I would like to show my appreciation... our engagement rings are ready! and they are very much like what we wanted... hehe (except for the "elfic writtings"... hehe) all about set, just to get the address and "spread" to the people... now we only have to set up the shopping for the food and so... it's thrilling!
and I just found a nice place, the person there seemed to understand - and like! - my ideas! she eventually made something similar to what I want already... and the price is plausible! isn't it just great!? AWESOME!!!!!
and I had my graduation... feeeeeeeeew pix only... of my playing, nothing else... ok, ok... we went to eat something, and that was it. very fun. uh-huh
oh, yeah... and I'm getting very frustrated w/ my "friendship skills"... things that are changing too fast and unecessarily... we don't need to become nasty people just because we're becoming adults... I don't get it... I'm also working, always busy, wearing myself out... but I still can keep up some sort of good mood! I think of how I'll make the people around me feel! because I don't want to go hurting them all aroud... but I also have my responsabilities! it's not that I'm always cheered up, living like nothing's serious, that I must not be taken seriously about who I am and what I do! I'm just playful, but I'm a committed person, to all that I do, all I'm in! and a responsible person as well! "no, no, I'm not an emo, ok...!"
just excuse me, that I have my feelings and opinions too, and I deserve some respect! (R-E-S-P-E-C-T!!!!!)
the problem is when u'r talking about my best friend ever, and she's the one who's making me feel bad... it seems like she doesn't care about me at the same time, she counts on me, like she always did and knew she can. but I'm not changed w/ her! but she's changed w/ everyone! and people are just "leraning" to stay around her as they are obliged to... but we're supposed to enjoy our companionship to be nice to each other! living's already hard, we don't need to be an extension of this...
why don't I say anything!? weren't REAL TRUE best friends supposed to support one another, be there for what's coming, enjoy good moments, wind out in the bad ones... and tell the truth, never hide it!? I feel like I'm a failure, I'm not being a friend for what it takes... and she needs it, but I'm kinda afraid she won't understand me (what is very likely to happen, since she doesn't even notice how she's beiing lately...) and might think something bad about me... I know I'm thinking bad about her, but I can work it out! most people can't, and she's definitely one of those... nothing personal, just is! people are different, I know I love dealing w/ them... but I'm not being able to help my own best friend - and save our fridnship! - mainly because she doesn't believe she needs help... maybe if I put it this way, that we need to "invest in our relantionship", or so...nothing explicit... her b-day's just passed, I still didn't buy her anything (wedding reasons, please, gimme a break!) but I will! I already got the perfect friendship card a time ago!... I'm hoping to touch her heart... though she didn't care to treat my special moments as they were... just bc I don't have her money!? hope not... (otherwise I'd need to be able so say some NOT NICE truths!)
I just pray that I'll be able to show her how I care, to rescue how much she cared about me, the way it used to be! I'm not here just to make her side... now I'm the one oon spot, w/ a big great occasion coming up! and that's it...
just don't forget to pray for us! engagement coming, lots of things to pay, but we're still in love and that's how we want to be! hehe
and for all my loved ones, I say I wish I could give each one of you a nice gift to show how I appreciate you, but I still can't afford... neither have you all at the dinner... but family and the real close ones... but they're not more important than anyone who knows I care, cause I try to show it all aoround the year... but I'll still find a way to gather you all and at leats give you my best kiss, and my best hug, so you can trully feel it coming down from God to me, and from me specially to you!, ok!? hope you can sense the sincerety in my words!... (who!? I'll let "you" know... hehe)
GOD BLESS YOU ALL!
that's the reason to be blessed: to pass it on!!
YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!