just to get this off my chest...

seems like after having some nice time, there are always bad ones ahead.
my mother tells me off not to say such thing, as a prophecy or what.
but I can garantee it's not my fault that people are wrong w/ me and they react when I speak it out in a way that I'm the one who is to blame!
and it's always left for me... either if I remain in silence ou if I talk, either I'm calm or angry...
sorry, but I'm human, I see, hear and feel, and I have limits on what I can take! though they appear to be flexible, don't get use to stretch them, or they might rip and you'll fly off when I'm get to blow all away! I have this right sometimes too, uh?
I'm sorry Lord, if this is not what You expect from me... I still don't know how to deal w/ this kind of situation in a manner You'd be pleased...
have mercy upon me! not that I deserve, but my choices are usually hard, just like it is for women, plus, young and christian! add all the other "complicators" which I don't want to use as excuses...
on my on, I know what should be shame on me. but still, I try to say and do things in the gentlest way possible! what can I do if people don't even expect me to talk at all?! I wasn't expecting some outbursts of feelings towards me either!
and the time is flying by, hurtings won't go w/o their scars being left, just hope those things don't affect the relationships to a point it's irreversible...
just don't get it how people change and can't take it if you change too! I have to adapt, now, what r u supposed to du, uh?! (sorry, this is not personally addressed... ehheh)
btw, today I got an answer from a friend to whom I'd sent a testimonial and a b-day scrap, all about our 14yrs of friendship, 8 of these, living in different cities, but so what?
she said that was all nice and such, and that she remembers and misses those good times that will never be back, but she still cares a lot about me. and here finally comes what I said today: today wouldn't be what it is if the past weren't the way it was... and life keeps us busy on itself untill we don't live it well enough to notice! (controversial, uh?!) and friendships r not exactly the same after being apart and busy in this "adult life", but it was good bc it was us, but we are still us! so... (then I got to the conclusion: the feeling of "missingness" - Brazilian word SAUDADE - turns me into a philosopher... hehe)
anyways... in relationships many times it doesn't matter to understand how or why... sometimes when is necessary, but the most important, always, is WHO, and maybe after this, what...
and just to get this straight and clear: I LOVE those people in my life, uh?! cuz if I didn't I wouldn't fell as bad and worry as much as I am doing now, and every now and then...
that's why we get like this touched... usually the most important people for us r the most powerful ones to make us like the weakest! relationing will always bring us to this point of vulnerability, when we may even get down...

[weak parts of mine, strong self in Jesus alone...!]