mix (mess) of feelings

well, I'm back, missing a lot of people from the camp, in love (the best reception ever! hm, good...), w/ a lot of expectations, a lot to do, to wait for, to hope and to pray about...
but nothing translates me more now than "sadness", cause there's no more "moonlight" for me... yeah, she couldn't wait any longer for me... mom couldn't do any more for her neither could I...
now, my MAHTOB is MISSING!... unfortunatelly, now I know it's 4ever...
no more panting or patting, no more dog walking sounds, no more barking or whining, no more doggie party for excitemet, no more Mahtob on the gate, waiting for us, happy for having people in the house, either some new ones or the same ol' ones... no more my doggie coming after us wherever in the house, sneaking into the house just to stay close, or lye on the tv room while we are watching... and when we went to the kitchen, she would be exactly on our spot on the chouch... or crawling step by step into the house, as if we wouldn't be noticing... no more fight playing, w/ her kidding angry barking and bite attempts on the air...
good-bye, my ticklish dog! you were the best cocker ever, wish I could have spent more time w/ you, mainly in your last days!
I didn't even see you going... could be here for you, taking care and doing my part...
so, well...
I'm back, but missing more people
Rested, but tired
satisfied, but grieving
Confident, but unsure...
should be talking about a whole lot about other things, but later, I need this time for crying...

finishing tought:
"I am too Blessed to be Stressed, and too Anointed to be Disappointed!"